The Empty Chair

As thanksgiving approaches, for most of our friends in the west, its the time to think about family. While, in some places, as Christmas approaches, then the thought of family, both near and far starts to linger. Thanksgiving and Christmas have been quite different over the last three years including this one, for so many people.

This year, as a class, a school and a group, we lost a friend – Susan Ajok. she was so many things to so many people, groups, organisations…. last year and the year before, I have also lost some friends parents – who were like parents to me, friends, people I will never see again in this life time. Today my mind wondered to the different families and the sight of an empty chair at a time like this. The memory of the joy their smiles, laughter, jokes at the table brought to each one of us. Then begs us the question, what is Christmas and thanksgiving without you?, What are we supposed to do with that empty chair at home? It evokes a lot of emotions, which for many lean more towards bitterness as opposed to gratitude.

Why am I bitter? Is it because again, I was late to show this person the love they needed, late to visit, late to keep in touch, late to tell them how much they meant to me, late to apologize …. the guilt of knowing you could have been more deliberate? May be you are bitter at God for taking him/her. Only you know the demon you are wrestling with, but far be it from God to do evil. There however is a better way. You and I can choose to look at the empty chair with gratitude for the time we spent with this person, or better still right the wrongs in that make us bitter, better in someone else’s life so that next time, our hearts are filled with gratitude and the memories the empty chair brings, lighter.

Thanksgiving and Christmas for some is a day, yet it ought to be the posture of our hearts daily. Why? Because then we can be deliberate to celebrate daily with family and friends what the calendar restricts to a day. Thanksgiving is about gratitude while Christmas is a reminder about God’s presence. when you show love and kindness, its a reminder to human kind that God is present. When we are grateful everyday for those in our lives, it still is a reminder about God’s goodness.

May the memory of the empty chair become sweet to remember, may our hearts be deliberately inclined towards gratitude, and may the memory of our loved ones compel us to be better and deliberate to practicing acts of love, so that when the people who give us the best memories, become a memory, our hearts are grateful and choose to give thanks when we look at the empty chair.

While you have breath in you, make every moment memorably good, so that when your chair becomes empty, every celebration, with gratitude. Make it deliberate.

Merry life & a Glorious new you

SET YOUR MIND ON THE BATON

Looking over the past eleven years, I can’t help but wonder what my next step is going to be. For an entire decade, I decided to put myself aside and support my family to achieve its dreams or simply get close to the things they have wanted to accomplish. The time I have spent taking the ‘back sit’ to raise my now 9yrs, 6yrs and 3yrs olds is more than money can buy yet I can’t help but wonder if I have really achieved anything worthwhile? May be like me, you have not taken the path everyone expected of you and it may even be that you are struggling in your chosen path. Does this make you a failure?

Memories of the conversations we had with my former classmates, the dreams we shared about climbing the career ladder and being people of ‘significance’ all come flooding back. It then dawns on me how all this changed when we parted ways at life crossroads. I am not the CEO, I hoped to be, neither am I the manager of a big organisation, ….. I am a stay home mom / home executive…. Have I failed not having achieved the world’s conception and perception of success after all my academic accomplishments?

The crossroad is that life defining moment in one’s life, more so for many women when you must choose what really counts, for you and what you will live for. As women, we have the natural inclination and divine mandate to nurture and incubate the dreams of those entrusted to our care and we do so willingly out of love and sometimes obedience. However for some, it’s the only ultimatum they have been given.

Life has a way of offering us chances at the things that we cherish. It’s never late in life, whenever the baton is handed to you during this race of life, you still win; because the sacrifices you made have passed on values and a legacy that cannot be broken. It’s a source of stability in the lives of those around you, a sense of security and provides consistency to the recipients. Such sacrifice can’t be quantified.

Inbuilt in each of us is the ability to change the world; it may be one life, one community….at a time. Because we have longing to be part of something tangibly and visibly big, we ignore the small beginnings of now and today ranging from gifting’s, sarifices we have made or can make, …. to people we can touch, in order to bring about that tangible and big difference we long to be a part of. Whatever we give up, or sacrifice in order for others to be, has the ability to transform a life. Therefore stand tall, hold your head up high because imprints of yourself are being planted on those who will keep the legacy.

The accomplishments of my husband and children great or small in my life time or not, have my name and signature written all over them. In my ‘back sit’ position I know there is a life I have changed and which life cannot write its story without me as an ingredient. So what is it you have, where in life’s stage are you, are you ready for when the baton will be placed in your hand?

As a runner in this life, your position has got to be set, your focus and mind have got to be ready for when the baton is placed in your hand so you can run the race to the finish line. It may be getting back in the game, pursuing a career or giving up one so as to raise your children, starting a new thing, flowing against the tide; it may even seem late in your eyes, guess what?, you are not alone! Simply talk to the father, His spirit will guide you, listen carefully, and rest in Him as you consider what next in your life, because in you He has designed and destined greatness not only for you but also for the benefit of those around you to glorify Himself.

Do not allow to be overcome by thoughts of failure in regard to what choices you may have made! For some they may even have been terribly wrong, but are you going to wallow in self pity? Be encouraged by the word of God ‘For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again…’ (Prov 24: 16).

You can make it at whatever stage you are handed the baton. The race of life ends when He calls you home, but until then, run it until you can pass the baton on to another generation.

He’s a Faithful Father

Many of us have been challenged by so much, and this has shaken the foundations of our Faith. Church assembling has been eased – just a little bit; and the question being asked is, “where are the congregants?” Some of us had our Faith pegged to a church gathering, which was disrupted by the times we are living in, others had their Faith pegged on the man of God (read man a gad), and he didn’t even check on you during the hardest times of your life, the church you gave your tithes and offerings didn’t even buy your family food, …., maybe your man a gad died…. And you have lost the Faith.

Maybe it has nothing to do with the church; its internal, and whatever it is, has brought your heart low with gigantic pain and grief. I am not without my fair share of trials, some have bowed me down not in prayer but in so much pain, and I am powerless to change any of it. These things have caused the children of men to become stumbled and offended in God, such that their Faith has grown cold, or become non-existent. It is easy to believe when everything seems to be going right, however would you still consider God Faithful, even when staff goes sideways?

Church was easier when the pastor could swing by and pray for you, or call you; congregating was simpler because you still had a title and an office to go to, maybe you drove a company car, and because of budgets cuts you have none of them, maybe church was easier because you went as a family, now you are widowed, spouse committed suicide, lost a child, a parent, haven’t been to school / college in two years….. would you still consider God Faithful?

Recently, I was speaking to my children about the Faithfulness of God, and I felt I needed to let them know that tough times will always come, hard situations will hit us, sometimes from the least expected places, but that DOESN’T change who God is. However, the choice remains with you, on how you choose to see what’s happening around you, in light of a Faithful God.

A friend reminded me about Rom 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

She then asked me, “do you love God? Then whatever you are facing is working out for good.”  

Circumstances, situations, and many other things may change, but our Father doesn’t. Today, He is still all the things He was yesterday. He is still, the Lord who provides, our Banner, our Shepherd, our Peace, the One who heals, the One who sanctifies us, our Righteousness, an ever present help, the Lord Almighty, redeemer, Everlasting God, the one who breaks chains, the One who starts a good work and sees it through to the end, whose promises are yes and Amen, the One who holds your breath, your hiding place, ….. and many more.

Whatever your challenge, trial or circumstance is, let your heart be stayed on Him, because only then will you be kept in perfect peace, because you trust in Him. I know that for the longest time in my life, I have asked the Lord to help me see Him beyond staff good or bad. It’s a choice I have made to live in His will – that no power in the sky above, or in the earth below, will ever be able to separate me from the love of my Father that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord – Rom 8:31-39

How have you chosen to know God? Is He faithful only when everything is going on well with you? Remember He changes not. I have chosen to know God as a Faithful Father because His love never gives up on us, no matter what. There is no pain, sorrow, circumstance or otherwise, that He isn’t acquainted with, none that He can’t walk you through. I am an overcomer, because He overcame the world and anything it can throw at me. You too can live an overcomers life. It’s a choice.

He is Enough

^{The reason any of us ever feels defeated is because the enemy has taken our focus off God’s sufficiency to our own ability and sustenance. Forgive them and find restoration in Him.}

Praise comes naturally when everything around us is going on well. It’s so easy to ascribe greatness to our God when you don’t have to hope for or believe for anything; I mean how can you believe for something that is within your means to obtain?

After the fall of man (Adam & Eve), life as was known, changed completely. In this life, we go through things big, small, moderate you name it and each of them has its effects; the depth of the marks from each of these events is a visible story in our lives.

Some of the events are orchestrated by those around us, with the intention of bringing us harm, while others are truly our own making. May be today you are in that place, uncertain about your spouse’s love for you, wondering if your boss or supervisor will fire you tomorrow because they simply want to play god, your peers seem to be distancing themselves from you no matter how hard you are trying to fit in, ….. that place where you have been left feeling inadequate, and are tempted to ask if our God is enough! You then begin to wonder if we (humans) should give God a hand in running the affairs of our lives? After all we are the ones down here and He is up there!

Often times, I have found myself in that place and space. There are many moments in my life where I have been rubbished, demeaned, crashed …. and it didn’t matter how much or hard I tried, to be the best, do good, nothing I did seemed enough or even worthy of appreciation. Nothing seemed to tip the scales in my favour. The very first times this happened in my life, I would be so downcast. The sense of hopelessness would always overcome me to a dark place of hopelessness. However, over time (because it is a process), I have learned that God is constant. He is the same one who holds me when praise comes naturally as in terrible times when things are falling apart. Notice that King David encouraged himself in the Lord when all else around him was not looking like the picture God had shown him through the prophet Samuel. What kept David looking up? David always remembered the God who brought him victories, and then Faith would well up on the inside, that He who began a good work, is able to see it through to an expected and desirable end.  

The reason any of us ever feels defeated is because the enemy has taken our focus off God’s sufficiency to our own ability and sustenance. When things are going sideways, that is the moment when like David, you should lift up your face and say “Lord, you are Enough and I trust you.” He is enough, He is more than enough.

His promise to you is that He will never leave you nor forsake you and that will not change. That makes Him enough and it should give you peace that He is working out all things for your good.

Do not let any person(s), or circumstance ever make you feel less than enough because in Him you are enough.  

Your Gift to Me

Have you ever imagined yourself in the midst of sharks, or looked out the window of your ship only to see dorsal fins circling expectantly? Concerning your job, life, health … your mind, is living in the “its a matter of when not if”?

I share a caption of picture a friend sent me; this sums up what the outside is asking of you and me.

Friends died during the lock down, and, we were unable to identify with their families in their deepest valleys. How painful! This year has had some of our family members being institutionalised because they could not cope with all that was happening, the despair in our elderly parents quarantined in homes leading them to early death, the thought that some children may never return to school, access to healthcare in some of our countries still pauses a challenge …. The list goes on.  The ‘within’ of our lives, has been at war all year through; so we ask what is there to celebrate in this Christmas?

Maybe up until now, it has just been the season to celebrate, and you have never considered the reason for the season. Though life has been seemingly hard, and we ask ourselves when does this end? The outward look of things should not dictate the inward state of our hearts. The reason for the season is God’s gift to us; which is perfect peace.

“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace There will be no end, …” –  Isaiah 9:6-7

His gift of perfect peace to us, is so that we never walk alone; it is so we can hide in Him. Though the sharks circle around – the storms caused by this single pandemic rage on, He desires that our “within” remains in peace in spite it all. His perfect peace is the anchor that enables us to keep our eyes on Him, to remind us that of the increase of His peace there shall be no end. So let us be reminded that while we cannot control the “without”, we can invite the prince of peace to settle the “within”. He did not say there will not be trials, trouble, disease….. NO. Because Jesus knew, it is no wonder that he told us,

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you: not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27

Only God can truly give us that peace which defies the outward to keep the inside intact. As we go through this festive season, let the hope within celebrate the season because the He is still the prince of peace amidst adversity.

Celebrate because His gift of perfect peace is for you.

Merry Christmas and a glorious 2021

Pain You gotta Let go of

The brokenness in so many of us who walk around, is embedded so deeply that even we cannot tell it apart from ‘our normal’. How much of what you have done or continually do in terms of decisions, relationships with those supposedly close to you, has been greatly influenced by the environment in which you grew up as a child?

It is sad that so many people come from broken homes with an abusive parent(s). This has brought on a pain that for some just can’t seem to go away. Unfortunately for most, the abuse (verbal, non-verbal and/or physical) was to both to the children and the other spouse. Some of us have been and are able to acknowledge both the psychological and physical damage that has come with being raised in these homes plus the effects it is having or has had on our relationships. The surrender to the Lord is more a plea acknowledging that “Lord, this is the format I know – born and bred, yet what I would desired, is to do better. How do I let go of this pain?”

The bigger majority of us, have for some reason continued to live in denial of how much the abuse affected us and haven’t sought the redemptive person of the Saviour. We would much rather sit with the weight of this pain, hurt, rejection, abandonment, name it, on our chest, rest it on their laps, than give it to the one who has carried us this far. It is a pain that we hold onto and expect the whole world to understand why we never esteem our spouse, or children, verbally and physically abuse our spouse and children. The dysfunctions in most broken people is rooted in a form of bitterness, they walk around with. You can explain it away all you want, but the simplest truth lies in surrendering a weight you were never meant to carry.

“If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you will be depressed. But if you look at Christ, you’ll be at rest.” Corrie ten Boom

When we are confronted with the truth, we always look for someone, a circumstance, something, anything to explain our bad behaviour, but never owning up to ask for help. The easiest road to walk down, is the road called self-pity. Believe me, this is a dark road, one that only leads to an even darker place called loneliness. I have been there. We can’t change what happened to us, but we can surrender our past in order for a more sure and secure future. It is the one thing you and I can do right. Surrendering pain to a higher power, will break a tradition that only breeds generations of bitterness. There is no brokenness that God can’t repair; no not one.

Christ, he beckons you to give Him all that hurt, pain, rejection, bitterness and its relatives because His strength is more than enough to carry that weight. If nothing is impossible for Him, which is a fact, how then can your pain be too much for Him to take care of? It is a journey you have got to start to wanna walk. It’s a choice.

Bitter Cannot Make You Better

It is for different reasons that some have fled their country aside from war and persecution. Very few are refugees as a result of natural disasters. Today many from Africa have claimed refugee status abroad, because of economic poverty (where the national cake is eaten by those in power).  While listening to stories from the camp, I discovered that some wars, brought in different ethnicities from the same country. Most of our wars have a very big and classic element of revenge. There’s war from within the camp waging the war, and there’s war from without; those who are being fought against. Whereas both situations will certainly cause one to flee, the sad part is when both parties end up in the same camp. Different ethnicities, one country they both call home, and yet mortal enemies.

So your country men may have brought or waged the war that caused you to flee from the only place you have known as home, and then both the chaser then and the chased end up as refugees? Now I am left wondering, when you find yourself stranded with your enemy (by ethnicity) in a strange land, do you kill each other, hate each other, …, or learn to live together? While some have found a better way of living together, others have allowed for the war to continue on in their minds. When we carry any sort of war or even strife, it is something so easily passed down to generations who have nothing to do with why the ‘elephants’ fought in the first place. All objectivity is lost and bias handed down.

Among the many thoughts and questions that run through my mind as I travelled back, I decided to focus on just one question; while these people (refugees) have cause and may even feel justified to hate their ‘brothers’ from other ethnic groups, what is the justification for hate among the believers in the body of Christ? We all come from one “country” – as Christians, yet dislike our brother because s/he’s from a congregational fellowship we do not like? How then can we fight our common enemy – the devil and hope to win?

The young groups of refugees from different ethnic backgrounds who have decided and committed to working together, have since realised that they are not each other’s enemy. Rather that together, they can beat the enemy that manifests in different forms. The past has become their history as they endeavour to make the present an even better history for the generations to come.

“We cannot start over, but we can begin now and make a new ending.” Zig Ziglar

This is bringing unity and hope among their parents and breeding a better generation that will subscribe to the “Different yet one” ideology. Since bitter cannot make you better, how about working better to remove bitter?

Then I return to my Christian friends, just like the body has many parts with different functions, when will the apostolic, prophetic, evangelic, prophetic, pastoring and teaching congregational fellowships come to the realisation that they are different they all belong to “one country”? 

Tales from a Refugee Camp

I recently visited and facilitated in a business start-up course, at a settlement camp ‘home’ to so many refugees. These are person(s) who have been forced to leave their country in order to escape war, persecution, or natural disaster. As much as the sight, will remain imprinted, so will the stories told because one can literally feel with them as they narrate some of their ordeals, and stories untold simply because I could see them and read the stories off their faces.

It is true, some will die having never gone back to their homes, or ever having a place to permanently call home. It’s good to be grateful when you in a place by choice. I learned that while all were refugees by status, for one group, their creative abilities had not been forced to leave their body’s and that did not deter them from dreaming, critical thinking, …., engaging their minds to make the most of circumstance life had thrown at them. They weren’t inhibited mentally, and their status didn’t incapacitate them but was rather propelling them forward. There was and still is gratitude for where they are and hope for where they want to be by letting God work a wonder in them and through them.

These young people (nine nationalities are represented in the camp) came together in their predicament and asked themselves “How can we better ourselves and our community?” Different skills, strengths and minds were brought together …. These are the kind of people who make lemonade out of the lemons thrown at them.  I hope I will share their story some time soon.

Then there was the other group with the same status, but also whose lives are lived in ‘evacuation mode’. Funny when one has lived in ‘evacuation mode’ for over 5 years and counting. This is a hindrance even to oneself. It made me realise why some were getting better while others were getting bitter. You must not allow your mind to be held captive.

Reflecting as I travelled back, I was drawn to ask myself how many of us can fathom the impact an embraced status can have on any of us?

The status you embrace will always consume you and ultimately form your identity.

I drew in a little closer to the fact that many of us live as though the state of our minds just assumed ‘Refugee status’. Worse when our minds are waiting for evacuation to who knows where.

One of the things that I concluded on, was that while your body, may have been ‘sentenced’ to being a refugee, your mind doesn’t have to assume the same status. Sometimes, we are in places or caught up in situations, which we have no control over, or at no choice of ours, however how we carry on from there, is a choice we definitely have control over. Our minds should not be limited by the physical boundaries of the moment.

To Compromise or not?

Often times we start out with a set plan and clear direction on how to go about something(s), and on other occasions, the directions in how to go about this particular plan, idea or vision come as we go along. I got the opportunity of listening this amazing lady answer the question, “What challenges have you faced as a Christian business owner?” Ooooh boy, did she have a lot to say. Among the things that stood out for me, is that not only does facing the challenge become a challenge within itself, but that it also challenges the foundations of your core beliefs and values. The challenge pauses the question “should I or not?”

We live in a fast changing world where the changes to adapt are almost inevitable. However does the change come with compromising on our beliefs and values? If and when we make these compromises, does it affect our values and hit at the very core of our beliefs? The word TOLERANCE is hitting number one in many of our humanitarian organisations, schools, businesses and so on; however the question to oneself would be, “how tolerant or compromising am I willing to go?” The desire to be accepted, to be included into the crowd, not to look different from the rest, to look the other way, will come and it is not without a cost – your integrity.

And whether you agree to compromise or not, comes with a cost. You may be applauded for your integrity, vision focus, being honourable, and all the good attributes or you may actually lose favour, lose business and some friendships along the way. Is it worth it? That is a question only you can answer.

I heard a story about the camel and its owner. Night fell and the owner pitched himself a tent, whilst tying the camel on a palm tree outside. A few hours into the night, the camel asked its master if he could just put his nose inside the tent since it was a little cold outside; to which the owner agreed. By midnight, the tent had a new owner. So how far are you willing to go on compromise so as to tolerate what eats away at the values you represent? When we compromise, we allow ourselves to conform to beliefs and values we have no business embracing. So the need to consult with your board – God.

God has only asked that we conform to the image of His son and to His death and not to the world. Think long and hard what that compromise get you to conform to!

What does Love look like

Love, love … when love still meant love. My grandparents talked about the days when a community lived as a family. Everyone was ‘related’, the children belonged to the community, which meant that raising those children was communal. Families never went to bed hungry; births, illnesses, deaths and any other celebrations were a ‘family affair’ meaning it mattered to everyone to be part of these celebrations of life. When someone died, was ill, had a baby, finished school….. it didn’t matter whether you knew the person personally or not.  The fact that they came from or were affiliated to the community qualified them as ‘family’ with no further questions asked. The only prerequisite, was that you were from that community by birth, descent, marriage or adoption. Their belief in the same value – “Family”; the sense of family, the semblance of family, the sanctity of family, the ‘oneness’ of family, despite their other differences, was the ‘I love you’ that gave every person the much needed sense of love and belonging . It is or was the people’s (individuals) core values and beliefs that made the community and not the physical place.

Just like the community back then, there was a day(s) when the ‘Church’ collectively cared about the brethren with no questions asked. Like many out there, I am still trying to discern between which Churches; ‘Church’ the building and name or ‘Church’ the bride of Christ – you who accept Jesus as Lord. In the book of Acts, Christ was all the prerequisite that mattered to belong, and not who preached the conversion message to you or which ‘building’ you attended. The Church when it still meant Church, cared for one another seeing that no one lacked. Paul after hearing about the divisions among the bride of Christ in Corinth asked them a fundamental question “Is Christ divided? ….” (1 Cor. 1: 10-13)

People have studied the ‘word’ to a theoretical fault. We analyse Christ’s every move, act, rebuke, teaching, …. then go ahead and remove divinity from of everything He did, said or implied. This has left us with nothing but a Church (building and the name) with no power. The human study seeks out reason and replace Divinity with carnal reasoning! How sad.  It is no wonder we, the supposed bride of Christ has become irrelevant to its fellow brethren (the believers) and our brothers out there (the world).

If The Church – Bride of Christ can’t take care of its own, how can it effectively and in a sustainable way care for those outside?  When Jesus taught us to pray, in there was “….Let your kingdom come, Let your will be done here on earth as it is in heaven ….” the oneness, the togetherness brought a sense of family as it is in heaven, which was and still is God’s heartbeat. So, are you and I (The Church) bringing the kingdom here on earth as Jesus’s desire still is?

If the Church of yester years met the Church today, it would find;

1. ……
2. Fill the blanks

I am quite sure they would not recognise one another, because divinity has been removed from the values and core beliefs Christ stands for.

I pray the day(s) should return when you and I rekindle the value of ‘family’, knowing well that if my brother is ill, sad, happy, celebrating, is in trouble, …  so am I. That time where and when the Church’s, “I LOVE YOU” is a genuine picture of care and concern even to the least of Christ’s brethren based not on any condition other than Family.